The Page of Thoughts

I was talking with my little brother about Twitter. He doesn’t use it, but he did come up with some pretty hilarious monetization ideas.

Of course, he started with the basics. You could purchase a “follower pack” and get 1,000 followers. Or you could buy a “premium account” and get your tweet on the Twitter home page. Here’s a strange one though: you could purchase an “@reply pack” and get 10,000 @replies! I’m not exactly sure why anybody would want that…

In an attempt to capitalize on the spam problem on Twitter, he came up with the idea of spam accounts. Prospective spammers could easily purchase spam accounts for a few cents apiece. Imagine how much revenue that would generate!

Obsessed over your Twitter background? Well, you’ll hate the background purchase feature. For just 99¢, you can upload your own background—but only once. If you upload the wrong one, you have 60 seconds to undo your purchase.

Hacking is always fun, right? For just a few hundred dollars, you can hack someone’s account and send tweets for them. Of course, that means you’ll need to buy insurance to protect from hacks by others. Or you can just buy someone’s account outright for a price based on your number of followers. Which you would have inflated with the follower pack, right?

To build a truly revolutionary platform, you must have in-game currency. Introducing Twitter Worms. If you’re feeling adventurous, feed your Worms to the Twitter Bird and you just might win the Twitter Lottery.

Do you want to mute someone on a massive scale? Purchase the taser, which will silence them for a day. Use the nuke ($1,000) if you want that ban to last for a week. For ultimate destruction, the mega nuke ($10,000) silences your target for a month. For a bit of protection, you can buy some body armor that will take care of tasers.

If you want to wreak even more havoc, buy a missile! This will literally destroy previous tweets sent by a user. For defense, you can use a laser to shoot down the missile.

No gamification implementation would be complete without an Angry Birds reference. The Mighty Eagle reflects everything—nukes, missiles, hacks, etc. against the person who sent it. A truly powerful weapon.

“If I were the CEO of Twitter I would definitely add these features. Twitter would be so much more fun!” —My little brother